I have come to the realization that I am, in all senses of the word, a complete and utter freak. While I am quite worried for myself and more than vaguely horrified, I am also somewhat relieved that I can straight-facedly admit to it.

There are numerous reasons why I have come to this conclusion and most of them are stable facets of my personality. At some point in the distant past, I'm sure I hoped they were just phases, but I just realized about two and a half hours ago (it's just sinking in now) that they've always been around in some form or another and they don't plan on going away anytime soon.

I fear the last couple of years have just been the really splendid results of a potent mixture of repression and denial. The only difference between then and now is that now I believe there's no way my parents are responsible for everything that's the matter with me because, I mean, God, that would be even more disturbing than if I had brought it all on myself.

Lord help me when I'm out on my own and responsible for my own survival. I haven't a clue how I'll manage.


On a somewhat unrelated tangent, I'm completely flummoxed by how utterly obsessed I have been with The Smiths this past week. I don't understand it and I don't plan on trying to understand it, but I know on a very basic level that it has contributed to the overall WTF-ness of my mood right now.

Mood restless Music A playlist of The Smiths on continuous loop Tags: angst, moods, music, rl, wtf