the temple bell stops but the sound keeps coming
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July 2009
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search soleil [userpic]

RL rant in the next few paragraphs, FList. Run while you can.

So, I found out last Tuesday that my oldest friend's mother had died, and instead of feeling grieved in any measurable, healthy way, I promptly stopped sleeping. This went on in a pretty intense and stubborn manner until the funeral this Monday, which I skipped classes for, during which I had a good cry and after which I hugged my parents and came back to school and slept for eight deep hours, and then had one blissful day of relative normalcy before Wednesday, when my body decided to expel all of its repressed confusion and grief in the form of a violent stomach virus, and then, after 24 hours of sickness and delirium (when I should have been in class, making up what I missed on Monday), I woke up feeling mostly better except that I was suddenly, once again, apparently unable to sleep.

I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate that death happens to good people, to people I love, and that my body is such a psychosomatic bitchface, and that I can't help but selfishly despair over the fact that this all happened a week before midterm season, and how I am in no way prepared to deal with all this except to loose my directionless fear and rage into the wilds of the Intranets in the early morning when I should be dead to the world and am instead far, far too alive to it.

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My life right now is a careening ball of awesome and crazy bouncing wildly between Christmas insanity, Havemercy modding, and Merlin love.

I barely sleep. It is like I went into fangirl finals right after my school finals finished.

BUT THE AWESOME AND THE INSANITY CONTINUES AND ON THAT NOTE:

Prelude: For the record and anyone who doesn't know yet, [livejournal.com profile] splintercat and I are not just co-mods of [livejournal.com profile] thremedon, we are also internet-married. We're even facebook-official. We aren't sockpuppets of each other, although occasionally [livejournal.com profile] splintercat claims to be able to influence me psychically.

So today we were up at insane hours of the night talking about, among other things, [livejournal.com profile] thremedon, internet memes and slang, and the state of our marriage. This conversation was ~*~epic~*~. I feel compelled to share these highlights:

Cut for a medium-length facebook chat. )



In other news of instanity and love, roommate [livejournal.com profile] loweryourwand made me a Morgana/Uther fanvid for Christmas! With a Muse song! They are my sekrit OTP, and this particular gift is insane and angsty and also wonderful!

search soleil [userpic]

Fuck I haven't gone to sleep yet so this is going to be horrible and rambley, but here, a glimpse into my head.

Arthur is James Potter )



My 23-hours-without-sleep talk. Sooner or later everything in my life comes down to how closely I can parallel it to Harry Potter. I am not even kidding.

ETA: OMFG, according to this, Lancelot is Snape. Ahahahaha, oh God.

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GIP GIP GIP GIP GIP GIP GIP GIP GIP.

I look at it and I cannot stop laughing.

By which I mean I've overhauled my icons so that, for the first time ever, the majority are of real people! Real live human faces! Real live Ianto!

This week has been in-fucking-sane for me for the specific reason that I haven't been sleeping. I do not know what it is, vague possibility it's PMS, but I'm going through some hardcore bouts of insomnia. Last night, I stayed up until 9AM and ended up spending the whole time downloading icons. WTF, self.

I also contemplated changing my layout, but I haven't been struck by anything over at [livejournal.com profile] thefulcrum lately, and I've been getting them from her for so long that I have actually forgotten how to put together a layout on my own. I guess I'll have to read up on that again in the coming weeks. Also, I didn't realize this, but LJ saves your custom CSS for every Style you've used? So I briefly changed my layout to Flexible Squares and found that I'd resurrected House 8*, which was a blast from my past that got The Organ stuck in my head for a couple of hours. If anyone has some good tutorials to rec, I'd be grateful!

Annnnd now I am indulging in further David Tennant/RTD love by watching Casanova. Finally!

*I used to call my layouts "houses" because of astrology--the sun is in the # house, etc etc. Welcome to my brain. Never made it to 12, more's the pity.

search soleil [userpic]

Stayed up reading first third of Dracula for class. Was a mistake. Cannot turn off reading light. Afraid to try to sleep. Know am being idiot. Gave self fright going to the bathroom. Know will laugh at self in morning. Off to sooth away with yet more Janto.

P.S. Was tagging and noticed irony of my "stayed up late" tag.

Mood scaredMood scared
Tags: books, dracula, i am a vampire, school
search soleil [userpic]

So, my life right now. I don't even know where my time is going. I haven't read my FList since the last time I posted. Which is not to say that I haven't been following the LJ. On the contrary, I seem to be around quite often. It's just that it's become a very specific following of very specific things. For example, the shit-ton of Janto fic I've been reading lately. And the fanmixes I've been downloading. And the communities and friends I can be bothered to check up on when I see them pop up on my Firefox alert for new FList posts.

So. I've been reading a shit-ton of a lot of things in the past month. Most of it is shoujo manga. Basically, any and every short shoujo manga that comes up in [livejournal.com profile] goosygirl_icons. That girl has fantastic taste. It has become a problem. A time- and bandwidth-consuming problem.

Also, I've been following Nodame Cantabile season 2, which, can I just say, ack. The picture quality in the second season has dropped off the charts. It still has great voice actors and a great story and its the quality and not the aesthetic that's changed, so it's bearable (not like, say, Antique Bakery, which I still haven't watched because the aesthetic quality of that anime is abhorrent to me), but still. It pains me in a the way that one might be pained to see their lover make a horrible faux pas. You love them, right? But you kind of don't want to be seen with them. Oh Nodame, you are not making it easy for me to spread this love I have for you.

What else, what else. Well, there was a lot of school stuff going on this October as well. I had midterms and an insane paper/presentation thing on Yeats whom, let me qualify, I have loved for years, but possibly never want to hear another word about ever again. I ended up dropping that Psych class and my life is a thousand times better off for it.

Over the past long weekend (Columbia closes up for Election Day weekend) I re-watched Torchwood, every episode of Doctor Who with Captain Jack, and also, incongruously, The Sarah Jane Adventures. Then Wednesday night I was cleaning out my gmail account and ran across [livejournal.com profile] arekuru's old rec of the Kimi Wa Petto drama, and randomly decided to start watching it. Such a wonderful mistake. I stayed up all night and ended up sleeping through my first class, but GOD, OH MY GOD, I LOVE KIMI WA PETTO. I've been rereading as much of the manga as I've been able to find online. God, no josei will ever be as great as this one. Love love love.

Oh and OBAMA GOT ELECTED. THAT WAS PRETTY COOL, EH?

This is me attempting not to make this into an insane tl;dr post, but I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their lives as much as I have been enjoying mine. If you haven't, I advise you to repeat the words "PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA" to yourself as many times as it takes for the awesomeness of that statement to sink in. :D

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For the second time in my life, I stayed up all night reading Sleep Is For The Weak reviews. Get it? I am not getting sleep because sleep is for the weak.

*bangs head against desk multiple times*

I swear to God, I've taken a step beyond nocturnal and have now become omniurnal. I should try xkcd's 28 hour day, I could screw that up even more than it is already screwed up.

...Alright, now it is 5 hours later, and I've sort of slept. I napped on the couch in a very determined manner. I might have been dreaming that I was reviewing an anime that doesn't exist for most of that time. That was definitely a way more enjoyable this-is-your-brain-on-TMI dream than I have had before. The last one I can remember was an anxiety dream I had in high school where I was studying calculus that took place the night before my actual Calculus BC AP test. Studied a little too fervently for that one, I think. Thinking too much about anime is infinitely preferable.

Mood tiredMood tired
Music L'Isle Joyeuse - Debussy (Nodame Cantabile version)
Tags: anime, dreams, i am a vampire, sleep is for the weak
search soleil [userpic]

Sometimes I make this silent promise to myself that I will stop staying up until 6-ish every fucking day of the week, because I know it is bad for my health and my future and social life, but then nights like this happen and I know that while I may eventually cut down, I will never be able to give them up.

There is something so simple and gratifying about being awake in the middle of the night. Nobody expects you to be doing anything other than sleep. Whatever you choose to do with that time instead, it's all yours.

It just so happens that tonight (start time: 12:30) I watched Stranger Than Fiction with my roommate, A. This was only my second time seeing that movie, and while I enjoyed it that first time, seeing it again, with all the subtleness of its cinematography and graphic additions open to my notice, I realized for the first time that that movie is superb. Everything about it is superb. It deserves superlatives.

We had to break so that I could go do the radio show, and since Diana was off having her citizenship validated and suchlike, I brought A down with me and we had a lovely, lazy time cranking out tunes from 2-4.

Then we came back and finished the movie and I squeed some more about it, by which time A was heartily sick of me and went to bed which left me free to do a quick email check, where I learned that Drop Dead Gorgeous had updated with Chapter 10.

And then I read Chapter 10.

And then I lost my head. I went running down the hall the the study lounge--which was empty, thank God--and had a flailing FIT, in capital letters, complete with manic laughter and twitching and arm movements not seen in nature. AND IT WAS 5 IN THE MORNING SO I COULD DO IT AND KNOW THAT NO ONE WOULD WANDER IN AND SPOIL THE REVELRY IN MY MADNESS.

YES. And now I have a huge headache, but IT IS WORTH IT. YAY, 5AM.

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